What I couldn't/didn't say at book club....

Since I finished The Lovely Bones I keep coming back to aspects of the story over and over again. I loved this book and a lot of it has to do with emotions I have not had in a while. The overall story is that a girl dies and then describes her heaven and the aftermath of her death. I know I am that girl who talks about her dead mother all the time but this book just really brought it out for me (mostly through tears- but the good healing kind).

It will be four years in April 2007 since my mom passed away. In this entire time I don't think I ever really thought about what heaven for her might have been like. I grew up with an understanding that Heaven, though not a physical place, is a nearness to God where no sadness can occur. It is comforting to think this and I don't really think it is wrong. This book made me realize though in a kind of precious way that the sadness and longing I have for my mom might have also been emotions she felt as well. I realize it is corny to equate a fictional story with something in real life but it kind of made me feel good to know that she while not sad or in pain like she was on earth might actually look down and miss me back.

Many times after my mom passed away I thought I could feel her presence. Not like a she is in the room with me but more of a stillness with a great deal of comfort. When the book dealt with this topic I realized it has been quit some time since I felt that. Maybe it was because my emotions were heightened then or maybe it is because I needed it then, but it has not happened in a while.

We all grieve in different ways for different things. I am always amazed when I think about how far I have come from the days shortly after when I couldn't sleep for fear that the days might actually pass along. I could not then imagine living without her for this long. And then it happens one day you realize, It has been 3 and a half years. In this way I felt a great connection with the characters in the story. They were the survivors who had to learn to survive, like finding a new way to live all over again. Moving through days when you have to remind yourself to get dressed and then days when you cant help but smile even when you don't want to.

I really enjoyed this book and I think that it has helped in its own way to help me grieve again in a healthy way.

So far The Tenth Circle has not made me cry ( bonus)